Interesting and engaging plot, good twist at end

Review written by: [get_author]

Published on: Saturday, May 21, 2022 @ 06:13:53 pm

Plot Review:

The plot starts interesting and stays going moving. The tension in the mall could use tightening throughout, especially at the end when he departs with the money. The plot twist at the end was unexpected so kudos there – worth the story just for that twis

Character Development:

Benton is interesting; you clearly conveyed his intelligence and attention to detail and amorality. He could use more depth of emotion and perhaps a glimpse of backstory to his motivation. If he was trying to get the money to help his mother or to escape


The setting and outside activities were good in the mall area but weaker in the opening and closing. You did a good job avoiding starting the story with a description of the location but it needs that description inserted somewhere in the section. Would h

Grammar, punctuation, etc.:

Punctuation is good throughout. "She adamant" should be "She was adamant that …" One misspelled word; can't remember where but a spell check would highlight it.


You used dialogue well to move the story and to reveal what the characters were thinking. Each of the conversation, though, could be more antagonistic (darker) or confusing so they're talking past each other and not listening (lighter). If the dialog

Other comments:

The story is short enough that adding a few of the things above shouldn't drag it down. You've got a good plot and the characters are interesting in spite of everyone trying to cheat everyone, making it fun. I bet one more draft and any last fix

Overall view of story:

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